i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
