In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
