Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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