remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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