I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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