Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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