Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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