in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
