He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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