I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
