He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Less talking, more tequila
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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