its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
