the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
