are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
