Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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