Tell her she can't have a vagina
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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