if i can run in heels then i can drive
I met the friendliest cop last night
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
