I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
