So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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