Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
