There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
