I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
