i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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