its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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