Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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