i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
