is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
