The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
cat food counts as protein by the way
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
