Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
