I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
