I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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