I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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