guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
