Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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