I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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