am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
