worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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