As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
