Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
