Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
