He is an equal opportunity slut.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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