Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
