Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
