we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
