Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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