After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
