i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
