Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
