I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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