tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
