I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
