the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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