my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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