she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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