i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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