why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
