I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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