if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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