worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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