I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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