thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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