Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
