i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
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