I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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