in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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