I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
