Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
