I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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